Radiator or drain: how to be emotionally intelligent

Emotions can leak through into behaviour and, when they do, they can be ‘mirrored’ by those around us, our families, friends or our colleagues. You'll probably have heard the phrase ‘radiator or drain’. The former is used to describe people who radiate energy and positivity while ‘drains’ are those who seem to suck the energy from a room.  

Neuropsychological research into emotional intelligence has shown that we are all wired to respond to, and mirror the emotions of, those we interact with, resulting in a self-perpetuating cycle of synchronised moods. This is thanks to our ‘open-loop limbic system’, as coined by eminent psychologist and emotional intelligence expert Daniel Goleman.

Our limbic system, the part of the brain heavily involved in emotion, can ‘lock’ with other limbic systems, creating a flowing channel of positive or negative feeling. Little wonder then how things can get a bit tense when we’re under pressure and stress.

So what can you do if you are experiencing emotional strain?

1. Be more aware of your own emotional state:

If those around you are absorbing your emotions, then you need to become more emotionally aware. This may involve regulating your emotions or managing them in a considered, productive way.

When working in a team, you could try to recognise the impact your emotions might be having on others. Emotions start internally so ‘labelling’ them, or giving them a name, will help you recognise how you’re feeling. Take a moment, once or twice a day, to pause and write down a word that describes how you’re really feeling. By identifying a negative emotional state, you give yourself an opportunity to make a conscious decision and take action to put yourself in a more positive state.

Creating a cycle of positive emotions will help improve productivity and collaboration, as well as lift the mental and physical wellbeing of those around you.

2. Be more open about how you’re feeling:

Being aware of your own emotions is the first step that allows you more control over how you express them.

If you’re feeling down or on-edge, talking with someone you trust about how you’re feeling is a more effective way of resolving emotions than suffering in silence or making life difficult for those around you. It may also be comforting to realise that you’re not alone. Having open discussions with others, who may well be feeling the same, or showing some vulnerability are both great ways to build even more trust and a sense of unity.

3. Smile more and encourage humour whenever possible:

It seems simple - maybe even frivolous - but as Daniel Goleman states: “laughing represents the shortest distance between two people because it instantly interlocks limbic systems”. The power of doing so is incredible, and well-evidenced by years of research.

Not only can humour positively impact others’ directly, but it can also reduce hostility, relieve tension, and increase morale. A few words of caution, though, don’t use humour inappropriately or undermine the seriousness of some situations. And remember, we don’t all find the same things funny!