Persevering in difficult times

Perseverance is an admirable quality, instilled in us from a young age. Popular phrases such as "rest but don’t quit" or "winners never quit, and quitters never win" make it clear that quitting should never be an option. The reasoning behind instilling this mindset into us as children is logical: we’ll develop good work ethic, we’ll learn new things, and it’s great to achieve.

Perseverance equals success

This effect, perhaps as expected, has been evidenced through various controlled studies. Psychologist Angela Duckworth, one of the leading figures on the research and applicability of 'grit' (another word to describe perseverance), conducted several investigations on the subject, demonstrating that perseverance in individuals was linked to higher academic performance in school as well as greater career success across the lifespan. What's more, these studies found that perseverance had more predictive power of success in both outcomes than individual IQ alone.

Persevering, then, is clearly an important characteristic for us to develop and maintain. It can lead us to much greater reward than if we were to give up early. While good in principle however, it can be hard to draw on this resource if we're in the throes of challenging circumstances, when we're running out of energy and lacking motivation. As we all know, 'sticking at it' isn't always so easy in practice.

So, what should we do when we feel like giving up?

1. Believe in yourself

One of the most popular reasons for giving up is a lack of self-efficacy. We can be quick to judge ourselves and feelings of self-doubt are quick to creep in if we feel we are not performing as well in a task as we would like to. The mind is powerful. Never perceive hard times as failure. We ought to remind ourselves why we want to achieve this goal, be proud of the small wins, and simply believe that we can achieve whatever it is you put our mind to.

2. Seek advice from others

Hearing others’ perspectives is often one of the best solutions for facing any problem. We may be so focused on our journey that we may not realise that there are several other paths which would allow us to achieve our goals. Also, reaching out to others who have previously overcome the hurdles we are facing can impart valuable advice and strengthen our resolve.

3. Fight against instant gratification

It's theorised that our brains have been trained to seek instant gratification because, in the past, immediate benefits meant we were more likely to survive. However, in the modern world, this can lead to a tendency to give up easily and get frustrated when we are not able to get what we want immediately. Success is no longer instantaneous.

Toxic perseverance and knowing when to give up

Giving up is often equated with failure, which can make meeting our goals feel like the only option we have. But as adults, we are able to better evaluate situations and therefore we do not need to limit ourselves to only one option. If we feel like giving up on a task, it is important to reflect on the reasons why and keep trying; perseverance may well be the key to achieving our dreams! However, there are certain circumstances in which we should know when to quit, and research shows that knowing when to give up (or "strategic disengagement") is a key skill that can lead to better mental health.

It can be a challenging concept when mantras of 'not quitting' are drilled into us throughout life. Many of us get trapped by the sunk cost fallacy: we will stick with a project which is unlikely to produce great reward and continue to devote more time, money and effort, simply because we are already invested in it.

When combatting wanting to give up, take some additional time to reflect. Have I set realistic expectations for myself? Is this making me happy? Is it how I want to be spending my resources?

“Quitting is not giving up, it's choosing to focus your attention on something more important. Quitting is not losing confidence, it's realizing that there are more valuable ways you can spend your time.” - Osayi Osar-Emokpae

Nowadays, we'll encounter a plethora of social media posts, self-help videos, podcasts, and books venerating entrepreneurs with a voracious drive to win and a supposed average sleep duration of two hours per night. We should, of course, take these examples with a generous pinch of salt. A willingness to pursue a goal, despite negative effects on our relationships, health, or peace of mind should not be viewed as a badge of honour. There are many situations where quitting is the best option. Quitting can open new doors, giving us the opportunity to establish new goals, provide good lessons which we can apply in future challenges, provide someone else with a new opportunity, or simply allow us to spend more time doing something we really enjoy. Redefining our perception of quitting is key to living a happier and more fulfilling life and recognising that it’s time to quit can be a great sign of strength and integrity.

We should always try our best, but the ideal of never giving up can be taken too far. Quitting isn’t a decision we should take lightly but it's one that shouldn’t be associated with shame or weakness either.